yeah, i can't believe it either. just two weeks ago, i had baby landon. how time flies. as a busy mom of four, i've learned to not sweat the small stuff. i'm always worried and love my house plus everything else in perfect order, but i've let a few things slide to the following day such as laundry (since i do it almost every day - c'mon there's 6 of us in the house) and maybe not cleaning all the toilets daily. well, i still do laundry daily, but it doesn't necessary mean i have to fold them immediately and this is something i've let myself cut slack on. oh, i'm proud of myself. anyways, here are a few photos i took of baby landon today. he has grown just a tidbit and i consider him my 2-week future acoustic guitarist. i'm so in love with this little man!
also today i made a decision to take my first time out away from my five boys for 3 hours to have dinner for my girlfriend's 30th birthday. it was hard for me to go at first because i'm a worrywart and have separation anxiety, but then, my girlfriend and husband convinced me that it would be good for me. it would give me a break to enjoy and refuel myself from the busy lifestyle i'm currently living in. i had an utterly fun time. before i left, we headed to the park to hang out together. when we're together, we're always having fun. this is the photo i captured on my iphone. as you can tell, aiden was afraid of the ducks. love my boys. xoxo
it's so surreal sometimes. i know i've mentioned it before, but wow, i have four boys. it was a very emotional journey and maybe still is. honestly, having kids is the most challenging job ever when you're trying to do it on your own without any help besides your husband. for that particular reason, i always enjoy the simplicity of being at the beach. it keeps my mind relaxed and carefree. i'm sure part of it has to do with listening to the sound of the waves when it splashes on to the land but also seeing families and other beach goers celebrating the simple joy. the best part is when i get to watch our boys together (not that they can't do it at home). it's just a different environment. of course, i could have joined in with the fun, but today, i sat from a distance with baby landon and gazed at the four of them together. i was also exhausted from dragging landon in the stroller across the sand and carrying a bag filled with towels and other goodies. it was heavy as heck, but i made it. yup, i'm out of SHAPE.
i'm not perfect and my husband can drive me crazy sometimes, but he's still the dreamiest. when i watch him play with our boys (take for example today), it was filled with sunshine. we're trying to raise our boys to be honest and genuine and with that, we make it vital to spend time with them together every single day. our two boys spend half their day at preschool. we don't want their brains to be exhausted so it's so important to let them be kids and play. honestly, i think they're way smarter than we would could ever imagine and i know they're understanding that family sticks together. their conversation really speaks for itself. they care for each other especially their mama (really, they do - they're all glued to me). although, aiden and dylan are prone to get into trouble for their mischievous behavior at times, they still make me a proud mama.
my good friend got married today! i still remember the day i caught them together at spectrum and she held her fist up at me. she told me she would hate me if i said a word to anyone about their relationship. what a crazy threat! JK. i never mentioned it and well, well, 6 years later they've fallen in love and finally tied the knot. i was supposed to be in her wedding, but i classified myself as an "at risk" bridesmaid since i didn't know when i was going to have baby landon. i always go past my due date and didn't want to take the chances and the what if's - however, i'm beyond ecstatic that after 9 days of having our son, i was back to normal minus the excess weight i'm carrying to witness her big shindig! it was a beautiful wedding held at a golf course. aiden was her ring boy, too!
i had a hard time leaving our two youngest boys at home. i couldn't make up my mind and talked to papa dang about it. it took a lot of convincing and i went back and forth with my decision. he's right (sometimes) so i decided it was best to leave our newborn at home and evan. i didn't want our one year old toddler disrupting the ceremony in any way either. our little man cannot sit still ever since he learned how to walk!
anyways, my sister convinced me to take the photo below with my family. our boys were making so many faces, it took several (if not, many) to get one decent shot on a phone camera!
aiden and dylan had early dismissal at noon today from school, which meant i had all four boys to myself. of course, i had to bathe them as soon as they got home. i also knew that i wanted a one week photo of baby landon and didn't know what to do until i saw all three boys in their undies and asked them to lay on floor for me. they're so hilarious. i love that they're full of personality and allow me to snap away. it took me no more than maybe 3-5 minutes for this mini-photoshoot before they went wild again right before their nap time. i love how natural these pictures came out - that's the reason why i let them do whatever they want. it brings out their own personality and makes these photos so much more enticing (in my opinion). oh, i wished i could be a kid again. i told papa dang, i can't believe all four boys are ours. it's amazing that i went through pregnancy and labor four times!
last night, papa dang and i took our boys out for a bit, then had a mini-movie night together. yup, our only alone time together is at night when all our boys are asleep. gawd, i can't remember when the last time we watched a movie together where i actually stayed awake either!
the lucky movie tonight was "safe haven". it wasn't the best romantic movie i've seen, but was still good in my opinion even though i knew what would happened since i read the book. well, the story line is pretty predictable, too. the movie did portray a lot of powerful and emotional experience that one would face in real life - i asked papa if he would ever fall in love again if i died tomorrow, he said "no". it made me realize how much more i love papa dang. but, i do want him to fall in love again if that ever happened. 9+i couldn't live a day without him! i wouldn't ever want to raise our boys as a single parent either.
the last few days has been rough since papa and i are trying to adjust to life with four boys. it has been busy around the clock, but we're trying to figure out a routine that would be suitable for our family. the first week is always rough since baby L pees and poos like there's no tomorrow. the good thing is that he sleeps the majority of the time, too! today, papa returned back to work and i was home with just evan and baby L. honestly, it feels fabulous to be back to my old self again minus the excess weight that i have yet to shed. it's easier to play with my boys now that i'm not ooompa loompa. however, part of me miss carrying a baby inside my belly. here's papa resting with baby L after work. he looks exhausted. haha!
here are some pictures i took of baby landon. he's 6 days old today. is he not adorable? as you know, life comes along oh-so powerfully. i can't believe i'm in love all over again. i'm a mother to four boys and when i look back at the entire process, it brings nothing but a smile to my face. i know there are things that would get pushed to the back burner, but these little boys i'm watching are my number one priority. i hope time doesn't speed up so quick because i'm going to definitely miss these days. for now, i'll just live in the present. love my boys. xoxo.
evan used to look like a baby, but not so much anymore. i love how he's full of character and personality. he's always smiling and laughing. it's quite contagious. of the 4 (with the exception of landon since he was just born), he's probably the funniest. he's a mama's boy. i love how he walks straight into our room and calls "mama" every single morning.
these past few days, i've spent some late night reading my old post and found true value in what i call my journey into motherhood. i really saw true value in it because it brought back memories and i love memories. sometimes, it's liberating to write down some of my thoughts and i only know a few people who read my blogs, but maybe they can benefit through reading some of my stories or my ways of doing things. i learn by doing, reading, and from others. when i think about everything that has happened to me since i've been married, i cannot help but be excited for what's next since everything has been a total bliss.
my labor induction was scheduled for today. i was nervous to meet our son, but more nervous and scared to go into labor as usual. with every pregnancy, delivery has been unique in its own way. i know the labor time would dramatically decrease with each child i have, but the fact that the unexpected is unknown petrifies me. at 5 cm, i requested for an epidural and learned that the anesthesiologist administered what's called a walking epidural, which meant it had a smaller amount of meds versus a regular epidural. basically, it's designed to ease my pain but yet i'm aware of my contractions. when landon was ready to come out, i knew due to the the amount of pressure i felt down there. the upside of having a walking epidural is that i could walk right after labor and went start to restroom to pee. peeing is the first milestone that the nurse wants you to achieve right after you've have a vaginal delivery before they can remove the IV. with my luck, my doctor had two patients to deliver at the same time. i was the patient on stand-by and since this was my fourth child, i knew that if she didn't come quickly, i would push the baby out. i was told to wait 10 minutes, which turned into 20, and then to 30. by 30 minutes, i basically had enough and my pain tolerance level has reached it's max. i threw "f" bombs for about 5 minutes straight seeking for help, which is unusual of me. so, as you can see, it was PAINFUL. i felt EVERYTHING.i was in tears and yet, my poor husband felt useless. he couldn't do anything but stand by my side and hold my hands. i felt weak in the knee. if the doctor had arrived when i was ready to push, i wouldn't have screamed so loud or sounded so crazy during labor. i'm glad it was a fairly quick delivery. in the end, when i saw landon for the first time, his first breath of air took mine away. i forgot about the pain i felt in that split second. it never amazes me how i can forget so quickly. and for that reason, i can do this all over again. welcome to our family, little man! i love you. love my boys. xoxo. p.s. here's a short clip of me crying. can you feel my pain? i'll post more when i finish uploading the rest.
holy cow. today is the last day that i'll be carrying baby L. how time flies. i know i've mentioned this before in my post, but today is that day where i had a foley balloon inserted in to my cervix since it was unfavorable. the good thing about the balloon foley is that it's "mechanical" by nature, it's almost as though it would start labor naturally for me rather than the usage of drugs. OK, so that's a big bonus. i was nervous going into the doc's office though, but more nervous knowing that it wasn't going to be my doctor who would look down there to have it inserted. i knew it was going to be a male and only made an assumption it was going to be someone really old. well, i was wrong. as i sat there with no panties on, here comes my doctor's backup for the day. OH MY GAWD, he was equivalent to a justin timberlake. i couldn't believe it! he was so hot and i felt bad that he had to look down there! i was going to take a picture of him as he was inserting the balloon catheter, but then i would be this creeper jeeper so i refrained. the procedure took less than 10 minutes. it felt uncomfortable having the end of the balloon dangle out of my vagina, but i knew it was going to be removed by morning. the doc told me i should be 3-4 cm dilated by the time i come into the hospital. i'm looking forward to meeting baby landon tomorrow. here comes the monitored, blood pressured, poked time at the hospital! i hope baby comes out healthy. i'm going to miss my three boys at home. hopefully, i'll only have to stay a little over 24 hours and reunite with my boys again.
it's almost over. the tears slowly dripped down the side of my face when I got into the car with Tony and Evan. i have several issues: (1) separation anxiety from our boys for two days, hopefully, it's just 24-hours again. this is the ONLY time they're away from HOME! (2) i'm no longer going to be pregnant and will meet baby L for the first time. (3) i'm scared of labor and the what if's even though i've gone through this 3 times already.
since i'm overdue, i had my NSF (non-stress test), it's a 20 minute test where a nurse attached a belt to my abdomen to measure Baby L's heart rate and contraction. surprisingly, i only had 2 contractions that i didn't even feel during that given period. everything came out normal. baby is not distress. also, i had a nice conversation with the nurse who showed me the balloon catheter that would be inserted into my cervix on thursday. to see it in real life, i said, "wow, it looks like one of those long twisting balloon that balloon artist uses."
also, i decided to change up the nursery this time since we've had the same nursery used by our boys. the only thing i would EVER change previously would be their name on the walls. this time, i knew that i had to use the same color scheme to prevent me from buying any new baby furnitures, which i didn't want to do. i basically added wallpaper, changed the bedding skirt and bumper, added frames, painted the moldings, added all our boys ultrasound pictures to some of the frames, and a new rug. it was quite simple, but a very long process. it's difficult to find the right "EVERYTHING" because i'm so darn picky. i basically took the entire room apart from closet to drawers and reorganized everything the first week i was out on maternity leave. then, papa and i would work on the nursery late at night when we've rested and our boys were asleep. there were nights where we didn't even go to bed until 2 a.m. i love walking into baby l's room right now. it's completely spotless and waiting for his arrival! the only thing missing is the letter "L" for the white frame in the center of his crib, which i'll do this week. i also need to clean the blinds to make sure it's dust free when he comes home this week. Yay! Love my boys. xoxo.
I love that I got to celebrate Mother’s Day today! I just love being a mom (seriously, I really do).
OH, Papa Dang! He gave me a minor heart attack when he
jumped out of bed to tell me he had to go to work. He asked if it was OK if I
watched our boys. Sure. Go, Honey. Sundays are the only days that he’s home with
us. It’s his only day off from work and it didn’t bother me that he had to go
in for little bit, but little did I know, he lied and went to Home Depot
instead. He is so busy and the thoughtfulness of going to the store to buy me
plants to put into our garden made me forever grateful! He wanted me to feel
extra special today. Thanks a million to the greatest hubby in the world! I
love him more than he will ever know. Oh, did I mention, he also put up my frames for the nursery? I spent an hour staring at the wall last night because I wasn't satisfied with how the frames looked and today, I rearranged everything.
As a mom, I have my struggle and challenges. I found a video
that shows what I’m trying to build with our boys. I want to build a strong, long-lasting relationship so when I’m old, they will take care of me with love.
This video explains it all. It made me cry. It’s everything I want. I hope our boys will one day come across it because that’s all I’m asking from them.
and, here's our beach day video! papa asked me what i wanted to do today to celebrate. i requested the beach since our family loves it there. i like to keep it very low key. it was the best hour spent today before dinner at the in-laws. i couldn't live a day without my boys.
it was a day full of family events from first communion, birthday party, and mother's day celebration with my mama. how i survived today, i don't know again, but we made it to every single event.
thanks to my sisters for helping me out at santa ana zoo to celebrate chase's 2nd birthday. our boys had a great time and they were fascinated over the monkeys. well, santa ana zoo should really be a monkey zoo. i swear, they had more monkeys than any other animals. for every 10 monkeys, i saw one different animal. (OK, maybe i'm exaggerating but it's really close to that). it's not a bad zoo to visit with your kids though. it was a hot day and the zoo had plenty of shade (thanks to all their trees) so you wouldn't feel the heat, which was a huge plus in my books!
today is my due date, but still no baby. GO FIGURE. i'm always late. i had my doctor's appointment today at 40 weeks. i couldn't believe i've made it this far. my OB told me my labor induction will need to be re-scheduled to the 17th since the 15th is already fully booked at the hospital. AND, c-section mamas get first DIBs over labor induction. my hospital can only have 5 scheduled labor procedures per day. in addition, my cervix has not thinned out, which means, my OB will insert a balloon catheter next thursday. HOLY MOLY! so, here comes a ton of questions from me when she told me that was going to happen. what is that? how long does it take? you mean, a real balloon? can you explain the procedure? will it hurt? anyways, this is one unique pregnancy from my adventure at the hospital a month ago, to baby being breeched, and now the balloon catheter! i'm hoping everything goes smoothly. right now, i have no other option but to go through this. i guess, i won't get to experience my water breaking and rushing to the hospital after all. according to my OB, there would be too much risk to keep Baby L in for more than one week after my due date since this is my fourth baby. OK, you win! I can't wait to meet him this upcoming Friday. and, here's a pic of me @ week 20 versus week 40. Big difference, right? I've gained a total of 35 lbs.
.....I will be a mama of 4. I can’t believe it and it brings me to
tear just thinking about it every single time. I will definitely miss my son's kickboxing moves and fitness sessions he had in my belly, but
I’m ready! Ready to meet our little man!
It
so-called happened that when I uploaded my flip video to YouTube to post on my
blog a few days ago, Papa Dang was logged in, which was odd because I’m
normally logged in. I looked and he had Evan’s birth video that he uploaded a
year ago. It was on private. I cried myself a river when I watched it! So if you’re ever wondering what it's like for me, check out the clip. The
original clip is 11 minutes long, but I’ve cut it short by four minutes because part of
my legs and butt was showing. Don’t worry, it’s G-rated. You can’t see my cooch.
also, i'm forever thankful for my two sons today who helped pushed the shopping cart from start to end so I could buy a few picture frames. aiden was good at leading dylan. he kept asking me "do you want me to turn left or right, mom?" haha. this is the other reason why i need baby #4 out, he's getting so big and when I carry Evan, the weight is killing me and i'm running out of energy. i'm glad i managed to walk out of the store alive with 3 boys on my own.
i can't believe i've been off on maternity leave for exactly a month, yet there's still so much to do.
so, i've always been a fan of apple products and i love the IPAD. it's such a great tool for our boy's learning process, but i do set time limits on their usage. i don't want our boys to overcome the hurdle of using the device solely for games/entertainment because it could turn into their life. they need to look beyond the shining screen that could give them a sense of false hope. they need to be able to use their imagination as well. honestly, in simple terms, i just don't want them glued to it (that's the bottom line) or will ever use it to pacify them. lately, i've been spending between 10 to 15 minutes every single morning with evan on the IPAD. we generally spend this time right after he had his breakfast and i've finished bathing him. we normally play right before we head out to his class.
i love how the IPAD offers great learning applications all within a fingertip and i love how it automates the learning process. I've been teaching evan the alphabet and am using the IPAD as part of the process instead of him listening to me sing all the time or showing him the alphabet letters in books. It looks like he's getting the concept of connecting the dots. I'm not sure about the alphabet since he can't fully communicate yet. Hopefully, with repetition, he will know his alphabet when he can fully communicate. He makes me proud regardless.
I'm not looking for that edge to make our boys the smartest, but i'm paving my way to helping them gain knowledge and allowing them to learn at their own pace.
Also, here's a clip of Evan on the IPAD i captured on my iPhone.
and ... here he is grooving in his class today. he's SOOO funny!
this is what he did today. he always tries to perform handstands and attempts to do flips. he told me and papa he's really good and started to laugh. he worries me sometimes. he's so fearless. i will never forget the time when he was only 2.5 years old and jumped into the swimming pool because he wanted papa to catch him. he learned how to hold his breath under water on his own. i was scared for my life. he also loves extreme sports. i couldn't believe it when he asked me why he doesn't have a teacher to teach him how to do jumps on the skateboard. i'm telling you, he's going to make me cry one day from breaking one of his bones. besides his crazy side, dylan loves to cook and bake. he wants me to BAKE with him every single day, but i've only managed to do it a few times a week, if not, it's sometimes once a week. it depends on our schedule. i just make sure his kitchen is always fully loaded with his baking supplies. i love that each of our boys are so unique in their own way. dylan (dilly) is athletic and quite the character. most of my friends enjoy his presence and chooses him over the other 2 because he has that charm and is very outgoing. love my boys. xoxo.
also today i made a decision to take my first time out away from my five boys for 3 hours to have dinner for my girlfriend's 30th birthday. it was hard for me to go at first because i'm a worrywart and have separation anxiety, but then, my girlfriend and husband convinced me that it would be good for me. it would give me a break to enjoy and refuel myself from the busy lifestyle i'm currently living in. i had an utterly fun time. before i left, we headed to the park to hang out together. when we're together, we're always having fun. this is the photo i captured on my iphone. as you can tell, aiden was afraid of the ducks. 
