BIRTHDAY || LAN LAN TURNS 2!

To my dearest little lan lan .... I'll be back to reflect on life with you these past 2 years. XOXO

BLESSING || me + you

There's something about rainy days. It's very much needed right now in California with the horrendous drought we're currently going through, but it's all within the hands of Mother Nature. It's like life. Some things are controlled and others are uncontrollable, but it's within our own choice, power, pushing, and dreams to determine whether we can make a difference. In 26 weeks, a new addition is set to arrive and whether it is a boy or girl (we're not finding out until the day I deliver), I have a sense of pride and belief that I can get through it with my own strength and struggle. God doesn't make us go through misery in particular to satisfy his wants, but more so to enable us to see him. Perhaps, the constant prayer and meditation sessions has enabled me to focus. For one thing, I'm content those 18 years of growing old with my husband, have matured our relationship but hasn't changed our feelings for each other. We are still in love and laugh as if it was nineteen-nineteen-seven.

Happy Friday - Love my boys. XOXO.

LIVING THE DREAM || Motherhood + Christ

Wow, almost a year and I haven't released some of the entries I've written. I am so honored to be writing my first post of 2015 as I lay in bed sick with the cold. Our house has been infested with the cold bug. 4 came down with it while 3 are standing strong.  As I contemplate about what to write tonight, It seems like yesterday that I was talking about my 5th pregnancy and here I am, pregnant again with our 6th. It has always been a dream for me to be a mother and it's more fulfilling knowing that I am able to conceive and have it come true. I know that if I was unable to ever fulfill this dream, this loss could possibly be frustrating and devastating and that's when my husband comes into play. He constantly reminds me to look into our Lord Jesus Christ and why we go through misery is to be able to see God.

Many always wonder how I do it at times, but I manage our family to thrive like a successful business.  It's the very family I longed to serve by working harder and more efficiently. There is no way I could ever perfect this motherhood journey and it's not a natural gifting either. It's the love. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs that I never knew about until I had my first child. It's definitely no one's forte, but like Papa Dang would say, imitate Jesus Christ and I'll survive. He did save us from the captivity of idleness and redeemed us. The best we can do is to live in his grace and mercy.

Love my boys. XOXO

139|365: first missed appointment

and so it happened.....

papa missed his first OBGYN appointment with me today since baby #1. i know, right??? jk. he had other work commitments that couldn't be rescheduled and i knew i couldn't cancelled my OBGYN appointment knowing next week would be difficult. i was nice enough to forgive him. i've gained 20 lbs thus far and look like i've swallowed a basketball. i was also supposed to complete my glucose tolerance test by now and guess what, i didn't even do it! i'll have to schedule an appointment right before work for next week.

today, aiden watched me wash our carpet. i have OCD issues and wash our carpet about 3-4 times a week. he saw me dump the water into the toilet and then resumed again. he stood there and said, "mom, i know what's a good mother's day gift. when you sleep, we will clean the house and make it shiny for you." it made my heart melt but made me proud at the same time. i'm glad he sees what hard work is ......

also, dylan can't ever keep a surprise or a secret so don't ever tell him. i guess it depends, but he gets too excited and rather just spill the beans. he rushed home from school to tell me he made me a card and told me how much he loves me. i teared up after he recited what was on the card. i found out aiden read the card in the car to him and helped dylan memorize it.  aiden, on the other hand, told me he has a surprise for me but can't give it to me until sunday. i already know it's a handmade card since he woke me up this morning to ask if he could borrow my stapler. he said he was making something.i'll patiently wait.

and, have you ever felt humor in your day from something extremely random? well, i usually do not pick up random numbers, but because work has been extremely busy, i didn't know if the call was work related and i decided to pick it up. it happened to be a little boy. he said, "hi, i'm aiden's friend. can i talk to aiden." i said, "hi. i'm aiden's mommy. he's not home right now." (my voice was in high pitch since i was trying hard not to laugh). then, i told him he can try again in 30 minutes and the little boy did call back. i thought it was funny that aiden gave his number away at school to his friend so they could talk about games and sight words they learned. 

besides that, we spent our friday evening at boomers since our boys are tall enough to ride their own go-kart. they love taking control and feel like they're riding a real car. we hung out around here for a bit and then headed over to the very first 626 OC market night and it was a total failed. the line was horrendous just to get into the market. we decided to leave since we didnt' feel that the wait with four kids would be worth it for mediocre food. this mama was not about to wait in a 40 minute line just to get in and then wait again for food. NO THANK YOU. i'm just thankful for yet another day to have spent it with my family that i care deeply about.

love my boys. XOXO.

138|365: please go away.

i'm almost at the finished line and this is probably the last stage of pregnancy that i have mixed emotions. i'm extremely excited to meet our newest addition, but to get to that part, i need to battle out with my back pain, continuous weight gain, enlarged breast, and frequent urination. then, comes labor, but that's a whole different story. but.....what's killing me the most ... my back! my husband gives me daily massages and tells me he can't feel his thumb (probably after 20 mins) because he puts so much pressure on my back. most of the time, i can't feel a darn thing! my back feels like a rock with a bunch of crazy knots all tangle into each other. i hope i can make it through these last 12 weeks of pregnancy. somehow, i always manage to forget this stage because once my little prince comes out, i feel forever blessed.

earlier today, i laid in bed for about 10 minutes to give my back a break and here comes evan, who is utterly attached to me. he's probably the funniest of the four right now. i couldn't imagine a day without this little dude. he's my everything.

love my boys. xoxo.

video

here's a video i made that i have yet to blog about ... enjoy for now. xoxo

137|365: F.O.M.O.

sometimes i wonder how i manage to commute from OC to LA county daily for work.... the only part that is most enjoyable would probably be the alone time i get in the car to think about random things. today, i thought about the two weeks that i took off to spend time with our boys. it made me miss waking up to them, but especially spending the time with our two youngest during the day. i always feel guilty leaving them and sometimes with the demand of work life, maybe it's time for me to call it quits. i love the flexibility and the work and life balance my company provides me. however, the FOMO "fear of missing out" really hit me hard today and watching them on the camera from work doesn't do justice. it's being with them. i'm thankful i get home early enough to spend time with them and play my mama role. ITS IMPORTANT TO ME. my body feels exhausted, but my mind, heart, and love for our boys keeps me going. i'm going to do a lot of thinking this time around when i leave on maternity leave. i can't predict what the future holds and what my plans are ..........

i just know, my six boys stole my heart. 

love my boys. XOXO.