39|365: big bear trip + good deed

it was that time of year again. we meet again, big bear. this is my in-laws annual family trip. we didn't get there until late friday night. our boys were so ecstatic about seeing snow because we talked about it all week. we were hoping for an increase in precipitation, but this year rain has been quite low. even with the small rainstorm that came during the week, it gave us enough snow in the backyard of our cabin for our boys to enjoy. they woke up saturday morning and rushed out after breakfast to play. the weather was not too bad and it wasn't as cold as I expected it to be. 

later in the afternoon, we took our boys to big bear snow play to go tubing, but it was crowded. the lines looked horrendous. it felt like an episode of being at disneyland except way, way smaller. there were families after families all over the place, but at least our boys got to see the snow. we decided to return back during the evening, in hope of a smaller crowd. it wasn't nearly as bad as the afternoon, but still as bad with poor lighting and maybe smelly lines. haha. i really don't know since papa took our 3 boys and i waited with lan lan.

we also had sunday mass in our cabin. pretty darn awesome, right? that's the cool thing about having a brother-in-law who is a catholic priest. during the homily, he asked papa to talk about his paying forward story on friday at target and how that kept him thinking the entire day. well, short story, papa met a young homeless guy as he walked out of target and he asked for some change. papa asked him if he would like to go shopping in target for food. the young guy oblige and went in. he went straight for the packed tuna and only grabbed one. papa told him, he can grab more food to last him for a few days, but the young guy didn't want to take advantage of the situation. papa grabbed a basket and encourage him to pick whatever he needed and the guy went for the cheapest brand. everyone has a story and papa always asked him what's his story about being homeless. well, he used to party all the time and never listened to his parents. his parents set a curfew of 10 PM and he never listened. he eventually got kicked out and went back several times to see that he has failed again. he wants to restart his life and papa emphasized the importance of going back home. honestly, there's no place like home. the homeless guy doesn't want to and is now living at a shelter. papa spare him some more change so he could take the bus back to the shelter. this was my husband's way of spreading the word of God through his good deed. he truly has an amazing heart and he doesn't always tell me what he does when he does good deeds. 

lastly, i love vacations but when we are on family vacations with other families, it tends to throw off our boys schedule. when things are thrown off, our boys tend to act crazy. i did try my best, but we called it a night at around 9 PM. the only way i'm able to manage our boys at home is to have it structured and on a certain schedule, otherwise, i wouldn't even make it out ALIVE. i don't mean to be strict about schedule and letting loose, but this mama needs sanity and it's the only way to do it. 

love my boys. xoxo. 

38|365: packing anxiety.

ohhhh my gawd .........

is there anything fun about packing for a family of six especially for kids five and under! hell no!

lets just say by the time i was done packing for our entire family minus papa since he does his own (mr. five minute packer), i nearly wanted to shit in my pants. papa couldn't believe how much i packed, but you know with four boys, you have to pack extra clothes, a blanket for each kid and pillow, plus extra outfits. i also refrained myself from bringing any of landon's toy because we just didnt' have any car space. it also made me nervous about unpacking from this vacation. have i ever told you about how much laundry i do in one day and if i miss one day, i'm basically screwed? so, yes, i'm screwed.

i kept murmuring the entire time saying "OMG, this is crazy." my husband always see the light at the end of the tunnel, indicating that it's fine with all the things i've packed and this is the way we'll be traveling as a family. basically, he doesn't care. this man loves to travel long distance and he still hasn't convinced me to take a long road trip with our family yet. i'm just not mentally ready with our boys.

this mama will probably need a vacation from this vacation.

love my boys. xoxo.

P.S. I forgot to take a picture of our trunk. SORRY.

37|365: so this is how it feels to be sick

My days are always filled with perpetual motion that eventually becomes a blur.  But, these past few days has been extremely difficult for me personally. It’s when everything doesn’t go perfectly. Evan and Dylan caught the flu and of course, I was down with the cold. Their cough evoked such sympathy and I was so miserable I couldn't do anything, but I kept telling them, it's going to be OK. I would have been fine if I wasn't SICK the same day they were! Arggghhh....I was scrambling extra-hard just to be there for them because when they’re sick, they always want “mommy” by their side like elmer’s glue. I was so dizzy and congested; I seriously thought I was going to die. I hate the bug that is much smaller than me and can beat my body like no other. I CAN NEVER afford to be sick, however, I can’t do everything, but I do try as long as I’m strategic about it, which I am most of the time. I’m telling you, this is life as a mom. In my opinion, it's a calling and I wouldn’t consider it a job because I’m not getting paid to perform my duties, but a way for me to live a certain life I’ve desired. Papa laughed when I told him, I married such an awesome man. He's so patient and calm. Plus, he doesn't isolate himself from our bed even when I'm sick. It's wonderful.

Anyways, I went to sports chalet earlier to buy some snow gear for our boys and was holding landon when a man behind me in line mistaken him for a girl.  My other boy clan had already walked out of the store to get into the car so it was just me and Landon. He said I had a cute daughter and I wouldn't have to worry about her going "bald" with all the hair "she" has. Oh boy. Let me say, this is not the first time landon has been mistaken for a girl. It always happen when he's wearing his onesie for some reason. I responded, "thanks". Haha!

And, whoa... the winter olympics started today. LET THE GAMES BEGIN. i love the olympics. here goes to sleepless nights, which means, I'm outta here now! Ciao!

Love my boys. XOXO.

P.S. I finally uploaded the video from our beach day last month.

33|365: bless my heart.

sometimes i sit in tears when i'm alone. i guess no one ever sees this side of me. i feel so incredibly blessed. i love the struggle and challenges motherhood brings me. All I'm trying to do is raise our boys to love Jesus, to love others, and walk in kindness and be a strong person. when people see that i'm going to be a mom of five boys, they always tell me to bless my soul or bless my heart. i know i am blessed in so many ways. then, it makes me realize that without my boys, i wouldn't know who Ben 10 is or even be engaged in Bakugan or certain monster trucks. I wouldn't even know what a crazy and loud house would feel like!

for now, i will be known with my friends and family as the woman who has repeatedly and exclusively birthed males. i'm confident to say, i'm damn proud! I feel God knows in his mind what gender is most suited for me and papa to raise and if it's all boys, i'm going to be OK with it. The best thing any parent can do is to pray and welcome God's gift with open arms.

i hope you're all having a wonderful Superbowl Sunday. we got to celebrate our dear friend's Ryder's birthday bash earlier and are now home to rest before we have dinner at grandparent dang's house. (Glad they're sleeping so I can rest) here's an updated photo of our boys that i took right after i bathe them earlier this morning.

aiden (5), dylen (4), evan (2), and lan lan (8 months)

love my boys. xoxo

32|365: it's a boy!

i'm not going to lie, but i felt like a bad human when i first found out that i was having another boy. we're supposed to be wishing for a healthy baby, but sometimes that doesn't always happen. my husband is the greatest man alive. he kept reassuring me that it's OK and i should be blessed to be carrying another baby. i couldn't even think straight. i cried and cried. seriously, i cried all the way home and had my head down and my hands covering my face. it has always been my dream to have a daughter and i thought that since this is my fifth pregnancy that the odds would be in my favor since we've already had four boys. i always wanted a daughter so i could tie her hair, take her shopping, and help her pick out her wedding gown one day!

BUT ... fast forward, and today, i made the announcement that we're having another boy and feel awesome! i couldn't be more than excited to have another boy join our growing family. maybe, we're having another boy so i could fulfill my husband's dream of having six kids. i know that if we had a girl, i would be done. so, is there a baby #6 in the future? yes, i think so. 

i'm always grateful for the many blessing our boys bring into my life. i mean, it could get pretty crazy from time to time, but i couldn't see my life without them. our oldest is turning six in two stinkin' months, which means, i'll be a mom of 5 under six! cray cray, i know! well, i have to admit that i love our boys more than anyone would ever know. each one has a unique personality and has made me a stronger person. i don't know how i do it sometimes, but   it's their love that keeps me going. there's not one day that i don't get an "i love you" from them except from lan lan since he's too young but shows love in a different way. no matter how angry they can make me on certain days, they NEVER ever fail to come over to tell me they love me before they head to bed and kiss me good-night. this hasn't failed once. the odd thing is that they'll forget sometimes with papa, but NEVER with me. there's something about a mother and son bond. i hope they never stop loving me and continue to kiss me good-night until the day i die.

SO ..... we asked our kids what they wanted to do today and they said ride a horse. so, off we went to irvine regional park! it was dylan's first time since he normally rides on a pony where he felt the bumpy ride around the course. i caught aiden and dylan talking after their ride:

A: "it was cool, huh, dylan?"
D: "yeah." (laughs)

lan lan did not meet the age requirement and didn't get to ride. i was lucky enough to walk him around while his body attempted to squirm his way out since he likes to be mr. adventurous and crawl everywhere now. evan loved the pony ride and kept massaging the pony's hair. i swear, this kid always make me laugh. it was good that he caught an hour nap in the car before we headed here! another day well spent with my lovelies before we head over to my parents for lunar new year celebration.

love my boys. xoxo.