[day 33] dear jedi aiden

Daar Jedi Aiden,

Oh, honey, where has time gone? Five years ago is when I met you for the very first time. It was love at first sight. I always talked about how scared I was about getting hospitalized and after you came out, you've been a total blessing that I ended up with three more brothers for you to play with! It's all because of you. You gave me hope and love. When I think about the night I met you, I'm still overwhelmed with a rush of tears. It was the best feeling beyond words. I didn't care that I ate so much and gained over 50 lbs. Once I held you, my life forever changed.

As your mom, I notice everything about you and honestly, I choose to only remember your best. You're always watching out for your brothers. You always make sure they're protected and not getting hurt. You have a soft spot for your brothers when they are sad. You've told them it's OK even when they've gotten in trouble.

I've learned so much from you over the years that I'm always moved by tears. I struggle as a mom at times because I'm not perfect, but I do try to be perfect in the things I do. But, you've showed me that my concept of being perfect can be flawed.

I've spent the past five years shielding you from harm and will continue until the day I die. I always tell you to follow your dreams because that's where your heart belongs. you should always do what you love and find passion in it.

at five years old, it doesn't bother me that you want to be jedi aiden and be the most powerful warrior in your own galaxy. in my eyes, it takes someone very special to be a grand master. well, my sweet little man, you're my grand master in my galaxy because you have a rare combination of skills (smart, motivator) that mama loves and you make a good leader for your brothers, who i would consider your jedi. 

"mama, i don't want to get in trouble. i don't want to sit in the thinking chair." My heart whimpers every time you say that to me, but you know as your mom, i always stand strong to help you. I don't like to make you cry, it happens. I always convince myself that you meticulously plan this out to fill me with mixed emotions.

Last night, I started flipping through my xanga entries and photographs of you, it was extremely sentimental.  It made me tear and I walked into your room while you were sound asleep to selfishly whisper to you.  "I love you, Aiden, please stop growing for my sake. I would be lost without you one day." i will never stop taking photographs of you. it's our way of sharing memories together.

You have a great sense of humor and that is a sign of intelligence, well, that's what they say. If that's true, your ability to make people laugh shines. You're so goofy in your own way like when i took your picture yesterday and you bent over to show me your head. you're so FUNNY!

I never want to stop cradling you in my arms. What would I be today without you today. I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't get to experience the beginning of what motherhood would be like. I love you so much and love all your inquisitive questions. Your commitment to schoolwork from learning how to read, subtract, add, trying to beat a batman lego game, completing puzzles - shows me that you're committed to making your future a success because you're determined to learn. i want you to remember this ..........

The sky is the limit. Please continue to fly high into the sky and conquer the world with your strength and will. No matter what you do, I'll always be your mama and proud of you!

Aiden, you mean the world to me ad never forget what i've told you since you were 3. Hopefully, you'll look at the sign and remember one day because that sign has been with you for the past 2 years.

Mama thuong con yeu (love you a lot). Yes, to the moon and back!

Forever yours,

Sweet Mama Dang