33|365: bless my heart.

sometimes i sit in tears when i'm alone. i guess no one ever sees this side of me. i feel so incredibly blessed. i love the struggle and challenges motherhood brings me. All I'm trying to do is raise our boys to love Jesus, to love others, and walk in kindness and be a strong person. when people see that i'm going to be a mom of five boys, they always tell me to bless my soul or bless my heart. i know i am blessed in so many ways. then, it makes me realize that without my boys, i wouldn't know who Ben 10 is or even be engaged in Bakugan or certain monster trucks. I wouldn't even know what a crazy and loud house would feel like!

for now, i will be known with my friends and family as the woman who has repeatedly and exclusively birthed males. i'm confident to say, i'm damn proud! I feel God knows in his mind what gender is most suited for me and papa to raise and if it's all boys, i'm going to be OK with it. The best thing any parent can do is to pray and welcome God's gift with open arms.

i hope you're all having a wonderful Superbowl Sunday. we got to celebrate our dear friend's Ryder's birthday bash earlier and are now home to rest before we have dinner at grandparent dang's house. (Glad they're sleeping so I can rest) here's an updated photo of our boys that i took right after i bathe them earlier this morning.

aiden (5), dylen (4), evan (2), and lan lan (8 months)

love my boys. xoxo

32|365: it's a boy!

i'm not going to lie, but i felt like a bad human when i first found out that i was having another boy. we're supposed to be wishing for a healthy baby, but sometimes that doesn't always happen. my husband is the greatest man alive. he kept reassuring me that it's OK and i should be blessed to be carrying another baby. i couldn't even think straight. i cried and cried. seriously, i cried all the way home and had my head down and my hands covering my face. it has always been my dream to have a daughter and i thought that since this is my fifth pregnancy that the odds would be in my favor since we've already had four boys. i always wanted a daughter so i could tie her hair, take her shopping, and help her pick out her wedding gown one day!

BUT ... fast forward, and today, i made the announcement that we're having another boy and feel awesome! i couldn't be more than excited to have another boy join our growing family. maybe, we're having another boy so i could fulfill my husband's dream of having six kids. i know that if we had a girl, i would be done. so, is there a baby #6 in the future? yes, i think so. 

i'm always grateful for the many blessing our boys bring into my life. i mean, it could get pretty crazy from time to time, but i couldn't see my life without them. our oldest is turning six in two stinkin' months, which means, i'll be a mom of 5 under six! cray cray, i know! well, i have to admit that i love our boys more than anyone would ever know. each one has a unique personality and has made me a stronger person. i don't know how i do it sometimes, but   it's their love that keeps me going. there's not one day that i don't get an "i love you" from them except from lan lan since he's too young but shows love in a different way. no matter how angry they can make me on certain days, they NEVER ever fail to come over to tell me they love me before they head to bed and kiss me good-night. this hasn't failed once. the odd thing is that they'll forget sometimes with papa, but NEVER with me. there's something about a mother and son bond. i hope they never stop loving me and continue to kiss me good-night until the day i die.

SO ..... we asked our kids what they wanted to do today and they said ride a horse. so, off we went to irvine regional park! it was dylan's first time since he normally rides on a pony where he felt the bumpy ride around the course. i caught aiden and dylan talking after their ride:

A: "it was cool, huh, dylan?"
D: "yeah." (laughs)

lan lan did not meet the age requirement and didn't get to ride. i was lucky enough to walk him around while his body attempted to squirm his way out since he likes to be mr. adventurous and crawl everywhere now. evan loved the pony ride and kept massaging the pony's hair. i swear, this kid always make me laugh. it was good that he caught an hour nap in the car before we headed here! another day well spent with my lovelies before we head over to my parents for lunar new year celebration.

love my boys. xoxo.

16|365: summer in january.

yeah, it sure felt like summer today and it's january! it sure made me miss summer days where we spend almost every single weekend at the beach if we're not too busy with birthday parties or other family gatherings. it was pointed out in aiden's open house at his school that his new year's resolution was to go to the beach more. it made me chuckle. i swear, our boys would sleep at the beach if they could! i know i've mentioned it before in my older post, but the simplicity of being at the beach always and has yet to fail, brings the most amazing memories to our family. i must say that i'm thankful for yet another day that we're together.

love my boys. xoxo

p.s. video to come ... not sure where i placed it. i blame my pregnancy. i always misplace things now. haha.

13|365: why they need me.

i'm typically home every day around 3:15 from work. it's always a hustle and bustle at our house. the first thing i typically do when i get home is get all four boys and have them take a bath. yes, i like them clean. i know i can't offer quantity, but i know that i can provide them with quality and this is when i'll ask them how their day was, what they did, if they finished their lunch today, and if anyone bullied them. of course, i bathe each one at a time and it takes me no more than 15 to 20 minutes to finish. honestly, it's the greatest feeling every day when i'm away at work and see my boys for the first time in the afternoon. the word "exhaustion" doesn't it come across my mind because i miss them that much. don't worry, i usually pay for it at night. 

the cool things about kids is that they don't remember how short of a time i had with them, but they remember the unforgettable moments for as long as it is possible when i offer them moments of their own time to show i truly care. it's the alone time together. i'll repeat this routine at night because our boys NEVER go to bed without taking a bath. they typically go outside to play or we have activities with our two oldest boys that make us go out and about.

i dont' know what i'm going to do with my life 20 years from now and i can't enjoy these very moments with my munchkins.

love my boys. xoxo.

3|365: so this is a day in my life

I spent 3 weeks off from work and only a few more days left before I return. It was one of the most exhausting weeks of my life, but I wanted this life with a bunch of little munchkins so I’m not going to complain. Although, I’ll be honest and get utterly excited when the clock rolls around and papa is home to give this mama a break. It’s heaven for maybe a good 30 minutes.

People always wonder how I do it. Well, first off, I don’t get to enjoy any good reads like I used to or do I get to hang out with my friends whenever I feel like it. I also don’t watch much TV and movie nowadays. I don’t get to enjoy any of my hobbies and gave them up a long time ago. I do keep current on the news and read it daily only because I feel that it’s vital to know what’s going on around the country, city, and world. When and if I can, I’ll also read several parenting magazines before I knock out. I don’t get enough rest on some nights, but other days I do. It depends on the amount of housework that needs to be down and I typically stay home after the wee-hours to get everything organized because I’m that OCD mama.

A typical day in my household with four boys would start at 7 to 730 AM when lan lan gets up. I’ll stretch, play, and will feed him his baby food then he’ll down a bottle of milk. He usually knocks out at 9 AM. My other 3 boys usually wakes up around 730 AM – 8 AM and are busy playing amongst himself or catching an episode of cartoon that is played on PBS until I call or scream for them to come downstairs to eat breakfast. While I feed lan lan, I normally get all three a bowl of cereal and they would sit and devour it. I make my way upstairs to put lan lan down and now it’s time for me to hang out with our 3 boys for a good hour.  My eyes are still kept on the other three boys from my phone.

We’ll play and in between, I’ll make their beds. I’ll time it right and maybe 15 minutes before Lan Lan wakes up, I’ll bathe each boy one at a time. Then, as soon as Lan Lan gets up, it’s his turn to take a bath. We’ll go back downstairs and I’ll put lan lan in the saucer while I cook a quick lunch. It normally takes me a good 15 minutes. We’ll eat together, then play outside, go back inside the house and maybe read a book or color. Some days, we’ll venture out to the park or make a quick stop at my parent’s house for an hour, but for the most part, we’re typically home by 1 PM and all four boys are ready for their nap. Then, it’s my turn to take a break and by this time, all I want to do is SLEEP, which I do.

For the past six years, I’ve come to a point in my “parenting” life to know who I am as a person and what I believe I’m capable of doing. Any mom is capable of raising as many kids as myself as long as you give your heart and develop a sense of patience and love.

Love my boys. XOXO.

2|365: very cool. very big.

It was almost a dream come true when Papa asked us to go down to San Diego again today. I love that he makes an effort to do things with us. He has wanted to see the USS Midway aircraft carrier for the longest time and since our boys love airplanes and I love history, we venture out to USS Midway Museum. It was a win-win situation for everyone! Plus, it was such a beautiful day in San Diego, too!

So, working in aerospace and particularly in the radar business, I was fascinated when I read and saw some of the military aircrafts that have now been decommissioned. We also took a self tour around the ship to see how some lived and worked. It was one heck of an experience and how they lived the way they did was pretty amazing (thank you fellow Navy’s). I wished we could do the informative audio tour, but with four kids tugged along our side, it would be a disaster. 

The aircraft carrier is huge and was nearly impossible to complete all in one day with four boys. It is America’s longest serving aircraft carrier from 1945 to 1992 and has serve in many wars! 

After a few hours, I must say that it was worth every penny. It was a great experience for our boys, who ran around in REAL airplanes and got a kick out of it. I love history and totally recommend this to you and your family! You’ll have a sense of gratitude for our service men and women.

Here are some pictures I took with my iphone:

love my boys. xoxo.

1|365: It's 2014!

Happy New Year!

I unwittingly took a break from writing in my blog towards mid to end of 2013. It became a struggle as I try to survive my life with four kids.  I’m going to try to make as much post as I can and will share my thoughts on raising a family of four kids and by summer a family of five kids. I’m going to try to stick to this New Year resolution!

Yes, I’m pregnant again!  I can’t believe I’ll be a mother of five under six by summer!  Talk about madness in my house! I’m my own hero when I look back at the beginning of my journey. It almost makes me want to cry because it has been the biggest struggle and blessing of my life. For one, I feel that I should give it my all when raising my kids and ask for very little help besides my husband. As real as it gets, this could be challenging. I’ve enjoyed every single moment from the headache, cries, fights, laughs … you name it!

To celebrate the New Year, I got our boys ready and Papa came home to take us all to San Diego to visit the Zoo. It has always been a struggle to get Papa to take a day off from work unless we’re leaving out of town since he helps operates his family business. I did whatever I could and I cut a deal. I’ll wake up, feed, bathe, and will have our boys ready so by the time he gets home around 10 a.m., we will be set to go. Scored, but I felt tired afterwards.

The trip was very enjoyable. It was somewhat of a long drive. I remember hearing Aiden say why the animals live so far like Las Vegas and how they’re not closer to our house. Dylan, on the other hand, kept repeating himself the entire time. He was so excited, he wouldn’t even take a nap. He kept saying “it’s taking so long, mom. why, mom!”

If you haven’t checked out San Diego Zoo, it’s amazeballs! You’ll appreciate the animals, yes, the big and even the small.

On our way home, our boys knocked out. I had some mini-conversation with Papa and then I went off staring outside the window like I normally do with my feet on the dashboard.  I continue to marvel at how much our kids have grown through the years and wished I could bottle them up forever especially Aiden since he’s turning six in March. I am constantly reminded that I need to continue to guide them in life towards self-confidence. I wouldn’t trade this mom job for anything.

Love my boys. XOXO

PS- these pictures are taken with my iPhone. it's too hard trying to carry my SLR around with four kids. 

Also, here's a short clip from our family adventure at OC Great Park in October that I put together. I know... it's old, but it deserves a post.